He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
