Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
