It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
