either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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