At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
