I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
And then he peed in my hair
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