You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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