you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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