is wine microwaveable?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
