she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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