He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize