Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
