I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
