I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
