If i come over, it means nothing
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do vagina's smell?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
