He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
