His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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