TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
