You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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