i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize