Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
