Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize