Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
