When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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