you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
