it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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