Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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