Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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