Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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