Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
