Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
