Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
