everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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