No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
