Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
