dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
