he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I lost the right to judge tonight
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