Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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