talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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