I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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