there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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