i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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