How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You have to summon your inner elephant
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
