im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
