Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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