his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
