I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
