i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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