you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you had me at cake vodka
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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