I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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