Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
