we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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