So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
nutella sex= disaster
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
