Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
