I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
