rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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