Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
