I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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