Dignity is for republicans.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
