I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is Oprah even human
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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