honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
