Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
