no, he came in my armpit
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
