I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
