the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
