Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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