Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize