There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
