It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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