well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
