Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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