My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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