It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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