My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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