Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
whose ass print is on the piano?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
