Non-Jews are for practice
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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