My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he shaved USA in his pubs
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
