i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
