Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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