My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize