I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
being pregnant is like rehab
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
