I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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