apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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