Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
