Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize