dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
