summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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