so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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